God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I want a musical about memes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
