Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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