I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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