Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
