once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
