Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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