I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
