her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
