Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
