my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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