a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
