On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
