Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
