No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
