i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
