someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Even my vagina gasped.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
