I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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