If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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