I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
