Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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