he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize