Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize