got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize