So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
