I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
