I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
