I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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