I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize