so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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