Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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