peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
