come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
