I think i sorta joined a cult last night
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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