his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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