My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
