all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
