Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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