My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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