How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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