This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
