So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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