Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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