I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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