Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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