i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
