Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is Oprah even human
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
