I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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