Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
