he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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