Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
