Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
