a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
