And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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