Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs