I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
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I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?