If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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