My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
