thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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