false alarm. still invincible.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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