I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
