I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
