70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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