Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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