On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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