Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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