I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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